what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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