so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
