just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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