FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
