wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
