wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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