Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
