Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
