Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
