just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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