I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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