My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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