I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
