i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
