I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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