On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
