Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
