I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
