Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
