some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
