So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
