Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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