I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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