I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
