If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
