maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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