i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
