Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
