angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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