We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
