rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize