are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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