My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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