Duck Duck Cougar?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
