i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
