I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She's the barista slut.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
