you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
