there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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