By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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