I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
