woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
