the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I believe in your delicious
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
