Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
