I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
jump out the window naked night went bad
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