I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
