she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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