Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want to make out with him forever
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
