Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
