I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
