Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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