You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
