I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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