my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
