Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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