K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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