Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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