Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
