The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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