I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize