I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
