dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
