My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She announced her abortion via fbk
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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