i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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