ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
