I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
