Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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