I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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