So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
