don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
