Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
