i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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