i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
