i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
