fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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